dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
