God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
