Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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