sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
