im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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