no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
