i used baking grease as lip gloss
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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