I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He kissed a someone with a penis
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
