He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
