he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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