i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
