i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
