It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize