pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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