I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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