The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
