you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
