We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
