Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
