Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
