my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My dick has a subreddit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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