tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize