Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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