but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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