we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
