there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
