I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
