I just made out with a guy for $7.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
