Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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