my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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