ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
