Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
