She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
