She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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