i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
