Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
