so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
