I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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