So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
