my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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