Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
