Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
