am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
