A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
