How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize