I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
