You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
