like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
