I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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