u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
