I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize