I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
