i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
