their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
