If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
