I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
