if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
