OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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