If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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