i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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