Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
