as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
