Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
