Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
