ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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