These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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