I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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