hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
