I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
