Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize