he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He shit in the fireplace
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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