Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
