I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize