So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
