would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
