I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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