You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
