toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
