I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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