I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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