I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just google imaged poop.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
