using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
