Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
