Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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